2011: My First Steps On My Journey

“The decision to be positive is not one that disregards or belittles sadness that exists. It is rather a conscious choice to focus on the good and to cultivate happiness, genuine happiness. Happiness is not a limited resource. When we devote our energy and time to trivial matters and choose to stress over things that ultimately are insignificant, from that point, we perpetuate our own sadness and lose sight of the things that really make us happy and rationalize our way out of doing amazing things.”  Christopher Aiff 

Earlier today I was out watering the front lawn, a seemingly “ordinary and unfulfilling job”.  It is this assumption that I perpetuate in my head that lead me to minimize my life and what I am doing in it.  I essentially felt like a failure, with no resume of greatness to buoyant my head high.

“What am I doing in this life? Why aren’t I doing more?”

On top of all of this I am jobless, granted I am a stay at home mother (which is a dream I never knew I could truly have), but it does not pay in US currency, so it is quite easy to feel like a freeloader with no pretty paycheck to validate my work.

Alas, what would I like to do with this life of mine?  What goals would I like to have checked off?

Honesty I don’t want much.  I don’t have the aching need to be famous (I love my freedom and privacy too much).  I don’t want to run a company, nor have overhead or employees.  I don’t want to race nor compete. I don’t wish to rally or occupy, boycott or petition.


That’s it!

If it’s on a global scale or family compass, I’m okay with that……But then again perhaps that is only what my heart would say, for my head and soul are little more greedy and ambitious.

They would love to infect by the millions (insert diabolical laughter here)!

But today after watching Zach Sobiech on My Last Days, I think I can start to work on just letting me be happy with that simple ambition for once.  And then perhaps continue to feed and nourish  myself into feeling at peace with my little life’s ambition, so that one day I’ll see it’s grown and tower over me with beaming lights, dancing and blinking and humming to a magnificent life lived honorably and well.

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